As you may have sensed, yesterday was a more challenging day for me. I started to feel a little loans with the number was I was studying which typically is an about things because I usually feel proud of my dedication much I study. But since last week I haven’t been as productive. I couldn’t tell if this was due to being burnt out, or the fact that the tutoring labs now I have a lot more students in them and some of the students are very loud which is distracting. Last night I left the tutoring lab around 8 PM when usually I’d stay until much later. I got this overwhelming feeling of being overstimulated mentally and unable to concentrate due to all the banter in the room. I left feeling frustrated like I didn’t get in the quality study time that I would’ve preferred and with test quickly approaching I can’t afford to not learn as much as I can. Today I learned of another tutoring lab that opened and the tutor was very helpful. It completely brightened up my day. I learned so much in a short amount of time going well into future lessons which will help me be more familiar with the work when we cover it in class. I think finding a tutor that very important in order to optimize your time with them. Some people are chatty you, some people might be too pushy, and others just down right don’t know how to explain things clearly. The two that I worked with today was a perfect match for me and is very knowledgeable in chemistry. I also appreciated that she was a senior as a little out of place due to my age. Her maturity was a breathe of fresh air. And don’t get me wrong, I love the exceptionally smart sophomores you’ve been helping me but working with her today was exactly what I needed to recharge and feel on top of my game again!
Lately I’ve been feeling like a bit of a misfit. The odd one out. Going to school with so many young people although I’m pretty young myself (I’m only 28). But compared to the 18 to 21-year-olds I go to school with I feel like I’m old and out of place. Maybe these feelings are more exaggerated since I’ve been home by myself for a week with my boyfriend deployed a few hundred miles away. So I don’t have someone my own age to really confide in. Since I just moved to the city a year ago I haven’t yet made many friends here that are my age. Or really any friends at all if I’m being honest. I mean, I have friends that are like family but they’re much older. I kind of see them as aunts or uncles. But no peers I can vent to or lean on. Sometimes in life, your significant other is the only rock you have and that’s where I’m currently at in life. I think this may be especially true for the military wives and girlfriends who are used to traveling and picking up their lives with their mates who are in the service. I know that must be hard.
I’m hoping that these feelings will go away and that I’ll adapt to my new experience, feeling more at home. But right now… it really sucks when the student start realizing that I’m not a freshman and I’m not even close to their age. Uggg haha.
I have to remind myself why am there. What I am pursuing medicine. And that it’s my choice to go back and pursue a doctorate for a reason. It’s a great accomplishment that I already have a bachelors degree. And that I was able to live life and sunny California doing amazing things and traveling the world. So the slower pace is definitely something to get used to. I’ve got about three more years of this and then it’s off to med school. If there are any non-traditional premed students who might be reading this post please feel free to share your feelings and how you managed this transition. anyhow, it’s almost 1 AM. I haven’t been able to sleep because I was thinking about the shooting that happened in Vegas. It’s really so sad. But I better try to get to sleep. I have lab at 8 AM in the morning so I’ve got to be up pretty early.
Good night and God bless America.